


Stories of survival

by pamymex3girl



Series: Big Bang Stories [3]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Gen, Hell, Implied/Referenced Torture, Male Friendship, Mentions of Past Torture, Purgatory, Season 8, Survival
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-12
Updated: 2013-07-12
Packaged: 2017-12-19 07:23:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 16,051
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/881033
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pamymex3girl/pseuds/pamymex3girl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>One shots telling the story of Dean and Benny's friendship as they travelled through purgatory. With stories and figths, demons and allies from the past and a Djin that makes a wish come true it's definitly eventful. Eventually they team up with Castiel and attempt to escape. </p><p>Written for the Bromance Big Bang</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Whispers

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the bromance Big Bang. 
> 
> Originally meant to be longer and more about the Castiel, Dean & Benny friendship but it turned out to be more about the Dean & Benny friendship. No destiel, purely friendship. The Lisa/Dean thing is only in chapter 6. 
> 
> Thanks to Nickygabriel for being the artist will add the link later. Also thank you to SusanMarie3 who also offered to make art. 
> 
> Thank you for reading and I hope someone likes it.

 

 

 

 

One morning – well Benny _thinks_ it was a morning – he wakes to whispers of a human in purgatory.

At first he ignored the whispers; he had, after all, been here long enough to realize that most of the stories and rumors that went around were _not truth._ Just somebody messing with everyone’s minds, making them run around desperately trying to find a way out that simply does not exist. When he first got here, years and years ago, Benny had been like all the others, desperately trying to find a way out but then he’d met John – a vampire who had been here for so long he couldn’t even remember what the human world was like and he probably wouldn’t recognize it if he ever ended up back there, although Benny has to admit that _he_ probably wouldn’t recognize it either. John had taught him how to survive in this world, how to make the most out of it and he was the one who told him that there was only one way out of purgatory, a way that probably would never come because they needed a human, and humans simply did not belong in purgatory.

Ignore the whispers, John said, for they are just _whispers._

He’d waited for years, he’d say, waited desperately for a human to come, but none ever did and none ever would. In the beginning, back when he first got here he’d follow every lead, listen to every story, and research ever whisper. But there was nothing there.

He gave up, Benny knows, around the time they met 50 years ago.

There are times Benny thinks it’s sad that John survived for so long only to die right before a human actually made it inside purgatory.

Mostly however Benny is kind of glad – and yes he’s fully aware of how selfish that sounds, especially considering all that John did for him – because the human, should he be willing to do so, could only take one of them.

Still that morning – again he _thinks_ it was morning – when those whispers first started, Benny ignored them and just kept going about his own life. He’d expected them to stop, like all those times before, fade away into nothing until in a few years another vampire would start another rumor and so on. But they _didn’t._ They were there, everywhere he went, constantly, and instead of fading into nothing they _grew._ It took him many days, weeks probably, but eventually Benny _believed_. It wasn’t really the whispers – though of course those helped convince him – but it was the way purgatory _felt_ like. Something had changed, and he couldn’t really explain it if somebody asked about it, but purgatory was different, wrong, _out of balance._ Once he believed he went in search of him, desperate to use John’s story of getting out – unlike all the other inhabitants of purgatory who just seemed to want to kill the human.

He’ll find him and when he does they’ll escape this place together.

In order to accomplish this Benny will promise him _anything_.

*~*

“He’s looking for something;” they whisper “he’s running around, torturing vampires and demons alike, tearing the whole place apart just to find it.”

“He’s a hunter, he doesn’t belong.”

At first they don’t say what he’s looking for and Benny is inclined to believe that the human – whether he is a hunter or not is beside the point, though Benny will concede that if he is a hunter he has a higher chance of survival – is simply looking for a way _out._ It’s what he would do were he in the humans shoes, hell it’s what he’s _doing_ – he and so many others – trying to find a way out of this place, and he actually belongs here. But if he is looking for a way out, if he’s that desperate to escape this place – and who wouldn’t be – than it certainly won’t be hard to convince him to allow Benny to escape with him.

Despite the many whispers, and the many sightings, it takes a while before he actually finds the human.

He seems to be moving at an inhuman speed, tearing apart the place looking for something, and Benny wonders, truthfully, if he is human, if he hasn’t been tricked.

By the time he finds him the whispers have changed.

“He’s looking for an angel,” they now say “his angel, his friend, who came with him to this world. The leviathans hate him, that angel, but the human cares for him.”

That actually takes him by surprise – so much so that when he first hears it he thinks it’s a joke – because he’s been here for many years, and John had been here for many more, but Benny has never heard of an _angel_ in purgatory. He’s heard stories of humans in purgatory – though most were fake – but an angel has never entered into the equation. Nobody has ever considered the possibility one might come here, not even John, and Benny has always been convinced that a human might end up here accidently, but an angel? No that he never considered. Although he has to admit that, until he meets Castiel months later, he didn’t believe in angels either.

It matters not, even if he’s not now looking for a way out he will be once he finds his angel.

Benny can still convince him.

But first, first he watches him, following him as he makes his way across the land, killing demons and vampires alike, looking for his angel. And Benny thinks: he might not belong here, he might not be a part of this world, but he certainly isn’t afraid to become a part of it, to be like the others. Some of the things he does Benny has to admit are things any hunter would do but he wonders, though he never asks, where he learned how to do these things, how not to shy away from the worst parts of being in purgatory. And then one day, while he’s contemplating how to approach him without getting killed, the human is attacked, taken by surprise.

_That_ is his way in, Benny realizes, he just has to save his life.

And ask him to trust him.

While telling him not to trust anyone else in purgatory.

He’s smart, Benny has to admit, smart and not afraid to make his own demands. He’s not afraid of Benny and Benny can’t tell whether that is because he believes he’s stronger than him or because he’s simply not afraid to die. He is determined though to find the angel, unwilling to leave his friend – at least Benny thinks it’s his friend – behind and though it’s annoying – really any second longer this human spends in purgatory is a second longer he can get killed – Benny has to admit that there is something admirable about that kind of loyalty.

He’s never had that.

Still it matters very little to him, whether or not the angel comes, as long as the human lives Benny will help him find his angel. As long as he can escape he doesn’t care how he does it.

He is amused however by the fact that the human uses his own words against him.

“You’re either in or you’re out.”

 

 


	2. Beginnings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Art in this chapter is nickygabriel's

 

 

 

When Dean was a child – _before_ the fire that destroyed everything he loved – he had a pet rabbit he’d named Bugs.

At first when his mom got it for him – and of this he is sure, despite how young he was, his mother was the one who got him the rabbit – he’d wanted to name it after the character in Winnie the Pooh, since he loved the story and his mom kept reading it to him. But that rabbit was simply called Rabbit and it just seemed so s _tupid_ to call a rabbit, Rabbit so he went with Bugs from Bugs Bunny. Admittedly that is not a very bright idea either but he was just three at the time. Bugs lived with them for about a year and a half, sleeping outside since his dad wouldn’t let him sleep in his room, but spending the rest of his time near Dean. He died in the chaos that surrounded his mother’s dead and Dean has never been sure whether he died _in_ the fire or _after_ the fire because they forgot it was there and didn’t feed it. Personally he tends to believe in the later theory but he’s never asked and he never will – not that there’s somebody left that _could_ potentially tell him.

He hasn’t thought about Bugs in years.

Yet for some reason he really can’t fathom Bugs is the first thing that pops in to his mind when he realizes he’s stranded in Purgatory alone, seeing as he has just been abandoned by Castiel. Maybe it’s all about the abandoned part; he once abandoned Bugs now Castiel has abandoned him in a situation he probably can’t get out.

It’s probably just the strange workings of his mind.

Still once he remembers the rabbit he can’t stop thinking about him for some reason. Probably because it’s easier than thinking of the mess he’s gotten himself into or the fact that Castiel has been gone for a really long time.

At first he thinks Castiel might have left to find a way out or a place to hide.

So he waits, taking in his surroundings, making an inventory of what he has and thinking about Bugs of all things. He still has the Righteous Bone for some reason – from that nun whose name he can’t recall at the moment - as well as a Ruby’s knife in his pocket – thankfully for once he was holding the knife - along with the keys to the Impala – because _they’ll_ be helpful here – and his wallet. This of course means he has money, though it’s not much, and his credit cards – though he doesn’t think those will be helpful, not much to buy after all. He has his pictures too, which he must take care not to lose: one of him and his mother, the group picture they took right before their ill-fated attempt to kill the devil – a group of which only three are still alive, at least he hopes Sam is alright, Dean thinks with a pang – and a picture of Lisa and Ben – and he can still remember the exact moment it was taken though he’s the only one who _actually_ can.

It’s an hour before he accepts the fact that Cas isn’t coming back.

At least Dean _thinks_ it’s an hour, he has no accurate way of telling the time – he does have his cellphone but purgatory appears to be beyond the satellites capacities – but he’s going with an _hour._

It sort of leaves him with three options:

Either Cas was taken by something, probably Leviathans, and is in need of rescuing.

Or he’s been rescued by some mysterious person, but Dean can’t believe Cas would just leave him behind. If that had happened surely he too would have been saved by now.

Or Cas has just left him to his own devices in a cruel world he doesn’t understand, which, Dean concedes, is a possibility.

It doesn’t matter he _has_ to find him.

He can’t just _sit_ here.

Eventually something will find him and, knowing his luck, it will probably be a demon that wants to kill him, one he himself send here though he didn’t know it at the time.

Besides when Sam finds a way to save them, and if anyone can his _genius_ little brother can, they have to be together, otherwise one of them will be left behind. And Dean has lost enough over the years – seriously the list goes on and on – to want to lose anyone again, especially so soon after getting him back.

So he _has_ to go off and find him.

But first he needs a better weapon than Ruby’s knife and the Righteous Bone – which he doubts will be of any use now, though he might be able to make something more usable out of it and even though Ruby’s knife will be useful, at least he thinks he’s not sure he can even use it in this place, he needs something better. He thanks God, or anyone really, that John was _obsessed_ with teaching them how to make their own weapons out of almost nothing and how to survive in the event they were ever stranded somewhere. His lessons had been horrible and truly wrong at times, but they were useful – though he expects not even his father, paranoid as he was, ever considered the possibility his son might end up in purgatory of all places.

Still his lessons are useful.

He’ll fight his way through this place and he’ll find Cas and somehow – though he hasn’t figured this part out, he’s relying on Sam to figure out that part, he is the one with access to all the books after all – they’ll get out of this damn place.

First though he needs to find his angel.

It looks like the things he learned from Alistair so long ago – things he’d liked to forget and that still make him sick whenever he thinks about it – will turn out to be useful after all. Though he suspects that, just like his father, Alistair never thought his lessons would be used in Purgatory to find an _angel._

It would probably make _him_ sick.

*~*

He meets Benny about a week later.

Again he _thinks_ it’s a week, it’s rather hard to tell time without a watch and besides there doesn’t appear to be any regularity to the way night and day works in this place. Still he’s going with a week because it sounds right. Consequently it also takes him about two more weeks before he starts c _alling_ him Benny, which is about the time it takes for Dean to fully accept that even though he might not trust Benny he’s at least sure of the fact the vampire will let him live because he _needs_ him.

It’s at least three months before he considers the possibility that they’re friends.

Four before he’ll acknowledge it to himself.

Eight before he lets it show, at least he thinks so.

Still when he first meets him Dean doesn’t trust him – in his defense he _was_ in purgatory – but he is inclined to let him live, he had just saved his life after all. Even when the vampire states that he has a way out of purgatory Dean doesn’t fully believe him – in fact he doesn’t fully believe him until they _make_ it out, though he does believe that Benny always believed in it and that he wasn’t lying to Dean just to himself – after all it sounds stupid. He who knows God, he who has seen how little the God cares – though admittedly he did bring back Castiel and save him and Sam -  finds it hard to believe God would take the time to make a portal in purgatory to save a human that might potentially someday accidently end up here. Though he supposes purgatory was created in the beginning, when God _did_ pay attention and took care of his children – both human _and_ angel, because if had just taken care of his angels that nothing would have happened – it is at least _possible_ he created the portal.

A portal only a human can pass through.

A portal Benny can’t pass through without him.

And he suspects neither can Cas.

Still if there’s a way he has to try it, though he still expects Sam to find a way to get him out.

“You’re either in or you’re out.”

And like that a partnership, an eventual friendship, is born.


	3. Stories

Benny had never really considered how much attention a human would draw to itself.

Especially in a place like purgatory.

He shines, Benny realizes, brighter than anything he’s seen before – though admittedly not as bright as the angel does which is something he will only realize months later – a fact about the human he doesn’t come to understand until he stands in front of him. He’s not sure why this is, why he shines so bright, perhaps, he thinks, it’s because he’s a human and he doesn’t belong here in purgatory, or perhaps it’s because as a human he has a soul, or maybe it’s because he is a good person, despite the way he tears the place apart. Whatever the reason – and really Benny doesn’t really care – he shines _bright_ and thus he attracts the attention of demons and vampires and several other creatures who all want to kill him. And well _that_ is definitely not a good thing for the more attention he attracts the more times they are attacked and the greater the chance that his ticket out of here will die.

Still no matter how many times Benny tells him this, the human will not back down.

He has to find his angel, his friend.

Really Benny admires the loyalty even if he thinks it’s foolish.

In the end whatever he thinks of it matters little because it’s not like he can change his mind, or try to take him towards the portal by force. Even if he could overpower him – and really he might be able to for a moment but he’s seen the way he tears apart the place he’s really not about to try, he’s not _that_ stupid – it’s not like it would matter, the portal is far from where they are now and it will take them weeks, perhaps even months – most likely months – to get to it and it’s not like there’s a way he can keep him subdued for that long not without killing him and that would kind of destroy the point. Besides even if that would work he needs Dean’s willing cooperation to get out of this place. So there’s nothing to it, whatever he may think he has to help him find his angel.

Personally, after hearing the story which is really one of the first things he is told in case he has some idea as to what happened, he thinks the angel is dead. It’s really the most logical conclusion, according to the story he had a lot of enemies in this place – and besides which demon wouldn’t want to kill an angel – and he did disappear quite suddenly. So really he thinks he’s dead, but Benny has no way of convincing his companion of this fact and besides he’s not even sure, perhaps the angel was just taken and is still alive and in need of saving. If he isn’t dead then Benny has this idea that the angel left Dean behind to face this place on his own, which Benny thinks is kind of awful considering how much trouble his companion is going through to find him. But really he doesn’t know what happened and so he says nothing, follows Dean through purgatory as they try to find an angel that may or may not be alive.

But there they go making their way across purgatory.

Benny however does realize that he needs to get out of this place because there’s no way the other vampires will let him live.

So it’s get out or die.

Really he knows _his_ choice.

*~*

On their first night together – or more precisely the moment they decide to take a rest – Dean, as he’s been instructed to call him which is really rather a good thing because Benny got really tired of calling him ‘the human’, doesn’t sleep. Whether this is because Dean doesn’t trust him enough – which is probably a big part of it it’s not like Benny is ready to trust him yet – or it’s simply the place he’s in that makes it impossible for him to sleep he doesn’t know, nor does he ask.

Still they both sit around the fire they build in silence for about an hour.

That’s really how much silence Benny can stand.

This is the truth: Benny can’t s _tand_ silence, really he can’t, and he needs to be talking about something, even if it’s something as ridiculous as the weather. He can be silent, of course he can, and there have been times in his life where he’s been alone – like recently in purgatory after his friend John died – but that doesn’t mean he has to like it. Besides they have to work together for the next few months at least – possibly longer depending on how long it takes for Dean to give up on his quest to find the angel – and they can’t just spend it in silence, they have to talk about _something_.

“So tell me, brother, how exactly does a human and an angel end up in purgatory?”

“Now that’s a _long_ story.”

“It’s not like I’m going anywhere, we have time. Besides I’m intrigued.”

It is indeed, Benny will later attest to, a long story, and a strange one and a really unexpected one. Benny is also quite sure he’s still missing some parts of the story but he’s not about to ask for more details.

Looks like Dean has had quite an interesting life and gone through a few things.

And while landing in purgatory might be on the list of the most eventful things to happen to him it’s not at the top of that list, which is rather extraordinary.

*~*

Over the next few days Dean tells him of the angel.

He tells him how Castiel, which is the angel’s name apparently – and really it’s a rather odd name but according to Dean it is one of the more normal angel names in existence – saved him from a rather horrible place, though he won’t say what this place was. Benny doesn’t ask, it’s not like he needs to know, nor does he have the right to really it’s not like they’re close.

He calls the angel Cas.

Apparently the nickname is rather important to Dean, though Benny can’t quite tell why giving someone a nickname is important. He’s never had a nickname, not really – unless you count the names his brother used to call him, which do not count thank you very much – nor does he really want one. Even if Benny were to get a nickname, and really the only one who would give him one is Dean, it would end up being a short version of his name, which is Ben and really that’s not much of nickname. When he tells Dean as much he gets a strange far-away look in his eyes, defeated, alone, sad. As if there’s something about what he’s said - which to him is just a normal sentence -that has caused pain in his companion. He doesn’t say much about it, besides stating that he could never call him Ben because Ben was someone else, though he doesn’t really elaborate.

After that short exchange he’s mostly silent, lost in his own thoughts and really Benny can’t have that.

They’re in purgatory and he can’t afford to not pay attention, not even for a second.

Besides Benny doesn’t like silence.

He wants it noted: he’s in no way worried about his companion, just about his way out of here thank you very much.

So he doesn’t ask what that was about, he doesn’t need to know what that was about after all. Instead, after about a day of this he decides to announce that perhaps the name feathers would have been a far better nickname for an angel.

Dean actually laughs at that.

Which is, Benny wants it noted again, so not what he was going for.

 

*~*

 

Apparently he missed the apocalypse.

Not just a simple end of the world but _the_ apocalypse, you know the biblical one, complete with the devil and the four horseman and archangels. Benny doesn’t really remember much about Sunday school and the bible but he does remember about the end of days and what he remembers isn’t exactly _good._ But apparently the apocalypse was started by demons and the angels did nothing to stop it – which Benny finds kind of odd isn’t that why they’re there? And the devil walk across the earth and then they just stopped it. Threw the devil, and his brother apparently, into his cage along with both of Dean’s brothers and then they locked the door behind them.

Benny’s pretty sure he’s still missing parts of the story, nor does he fully understand the parts he has been told, but it does make for some interesting conversations.

Seriously _the_ apocalypse.

John would have loved this story.

In all honesty Benny is kind of glad he missed it because it doesn’t sound like a particularly nice time.

There is something about Team Free Will however that makes him laugh, it does sound like a marvelous time, a great group fighting against the devil. He’s kind of sad he missed _that_ because he would have loved to have been a part of such a group of friends – the closest he’s come was his pirates days, which in retrospect wasn’t a great group of friends at all and John here in purgatory but he’s not sure that counts seeing as this is there afterlife- though Dean probably would have killed him had they met back then. It doesn’t matter that was then this is now, and somehow he stopped the apocalypse and then, years later, ended up here.

Benny’s kind of glad dead angels don’t end up here.

If they did he would have heard about it by now.

 

*~*

After that story, which takes about a week to tell – considering the amount of times they were attacked and had to interrogate someone to find the bloody angel who as it turns out is alive somewhere in purgatory, either that or all the demons and vampires in purgatory have teamed up to tell the same lie and well he doesn’t want to be the one who came up with that idea, should this turn out to be the case – Benny decides that Dean has shared quite a lot of his life, though nothing really meaningful, and it’s his turn. He doesn’t tell him about Andrea – too painful – or the pirates, maybe later he’s pretty sure Dean will get a kick out of that story, instead he goes back to the beginning.

He tells Dean of his human life.

Of his mother who used to sing him songs while she cleaned the house and his older brother who he looked up to and loved above everything else. He tells him of his father who’d come home after work and tell them funny stories about his workday – as he’s older Benny thinks that those stories probably didn’t all happen and they probably weren’t that funny at the time either. He tells him of his younger brother who used to follow him around everywhere and annoyed him to no end and the girl down the block he had a mayor crush on.

He doesn’t tell him of his child, that’s also too painful.

He doesn’t tell him how, after he’d been turned, he returned home – about six months after he’d been turned actually, once the initial bloodlust completely cleared and he had more control over his actions – and found everything in ruins. His younger brother was sad, not the happy man he remembered and his older brother was angry, mostly at himself, and his father buried himself in his work. His mother, somebody told him, would look out the window and hope that every person that came by was her lost son. He’s dead, his father would tell her, but his mother wouldn’t believe him, she’d say he wasn’t dead because she’d know if her little boy was dead. Ironically they were both right, he wasn’t alive but he wasn’t really dead either, at least not in the way his father meant.

At first he’d wanted to go home and rejoin his family that had been his plan.

But he’d realized as he watched them that he couldn’t go back, that there was no way he could resume his old life. He wasn’t his old self, he wasn’t their loving child, and besides what could he say? I’m not dead but I’m not alive either? I’m a vampire and you’re going to grow older but I never will? It would be far better for everyone involved if he just disappeared now and ‘died. ‘But he doesn’t tell Dean that. He doesn’t tell how it felt to walk away from the only family he had ever known, the only thing he really wanted to be a part of, because it was better for everyone involved, he probably wouldn’t understand.

Instead he tells him of warm summer days and silly games, of songs and laughter and childhood days.

*~*

Dean doesn’t say that much about his family, at least not about his parents.

His mother, who was practically an angel he is told, was killed by a demon that Dean killed man years later. And Benny decides not to point out that that demon, whoever he was, probably ended up here and might come looking for him if he finds out Dean is here mostly because he’s pretty sure Dean has figured that out on his own, he’s not an idiot after all. His father apparently died in a car accident, though there’s something about the way Dean tells the story that makes Benny think there’s more to it, but he’s got a feeling he really doesn’t want to know.

He does however talk a lot about his brother, especially as more time passes.

You’d think, the way Dean talks about him, that Sam walks on water or something. He’s a genius; Dean tells him, got into Stanford with a full ride but didn’t finish his college education because his girlfriend died, and who is, quite obviously, the person Dean loves the most. He tells him that if anyone could find a way for them to get out it’s his little genius brother who might make stupid mistakes at times but always come through. Benny decides it’s better not to point out that Dean has been here for quite a while and if his brother really could – or wanted- to get him out of here surely he would have done it by now. There’s something in Dean’s tone of voice that tells him that Sam is the one subject Benny better not have the wrong opinion on because he won’t allow it – Benny would like to think that he was once this protective of his younger brother but he can’t be sure – and Benny really isn’t stupid, _really_. Besides for all he knows there is simply no way to get two persons out of purgatory without opening the door for everyone else, maybe the portal is the _only_ way.

It doesn’t matter, they have a way out, and they don’t need Sam to find one.

In fact for Benny it’s better if he doesn’t.

*~*

Three weeks after their initial meeting Dean tells him something that surprises Benny so much that he actually stops dead in his tracks and almost drops his weapon.

Dean bursts out laughing at the look on his face.

“Really,” he says “I was a vampire once.”

Now Benny knew, had realized over the past few weeks that Dean had let a quiet eventful life but he really wasn’t expecting that. Mostly because when you become a vampire you stay a vampire, there’s no reverse button, although as it turns out there actually is. Dean tells him about the cure, that no sorry Benny it can’t help you because the vampire in question needs to never have drunk human blood, and it’s the most disgusting thing Dean has ever tasted, which apparently is a rather difficult thing to accomplish.

Also the vampire who changed him was apparently _disgusting_.

It’s during the course of that conversation that Benny realizes that he _likes_ Dean. It’s not that difficult really, once you get passed the whole hunter thing and there’s some trust between you there’s something very likeable about him. He can’t help it. He started this entire affair just to have a way out of here.

He’s going to end up with a friend, not that he really minds.   



	4. demons and allies of the past

In all honesty Dean had forgotten about Gordon.

Well not actually forgotten, he remembered him of course – rather hard to forget him – he remembered the hunter he’d kind of liked until he realized how crazy the other man actual was. He remembers how he decided his brother needed to be killed, how he decided not to listen to reason – and he’s kind of glad he wasn’t around for the whole letting the devil of the box – and how he decided Lenore needed to be killed even after she turned out to be alright. He remembers him, he just hasn’t though about him in years and, despite the fact that he knows the other man died as a vampire, he never considered he was in purgatory. Admittedly for the longest time Dean hadn’t known where demons and vampires and werewolf’s went after they died, nor had he ever really thought about it. Really with all that had happened over the years he’d sort of forgotten about him, he’d become an unfortunate episode that had happened before but it really wasn’t that important in the grand scheme of things.

So he’d never really thought about the other hunter again.

Nor had he really considered the possibility he might run into him while in purgatory. He’d considered Azazal and God forbid Ruby, he’d thought of Lilith and – though he’d tried his best not to think about it – _Alistair._ But he’d never, ever considered Gordon and as it turned out he really should have because against all expectations he’s the one Dean runs into first. It’s somewhere in the middle of Benny’ stories about his family – and Dean is kind of glad he didn’t arrive in the middle of his story about the apocalypse – that Gordon shows up and though he knows the other man – vampire – wants to kill him he’s not really worried. Apart from the fact that he’s completely sure he can take Gordon in a fight – and he totally can the last time does not count – there’s also the fact that Benny won’t let him die or get hurt.

A long time ago, back when Gordon was trying to kill Sam, he told him that one day Dean would regret not allowing him to kill Sam.

Despite the passage of the years – or maybe because of it – Gordon is still sure about that fact.

It’s the first thing he says when they meet again and despite the fact that he doesn’t like the other man – trying to kill his brother will get you that – and despite his words now Dean feels sorry for him. Despite his faults, despite his craziness, Gordon had done a lot of good, his methods might not have been good – and Dean would never accept them – but he had saved a lot of people. It seems sad that this is where he ended up, with no way of getting out – because there’s no way Dean is unleashing him on the world – and he’s sorry, he is. He himself had almost ended up here forever, with no way out, and he’s sorry he didn’t know how to save him back then, not that Gordon would have listened to him. He wonders if he found his sister, he wonders if either one cared to find each other again.

“Dean Winchester, so we meet again, though I didn’t expect to find you here, at least not as a human.”

Out of the corner of his eye Dean can see Benny moving into a better position but for now he won’t make a move. By the look on his companion’s face he doesn’t seem to like the way Gordon talks either, though Dean thinks he’s taking exception to his tone rather than what he says.

“I too never expected to see you again Gordon, I’d ask how you’ve been but…”

“Yeah, it’s rather a pointless question. So tell me Dean how is Sam these days?”

“Why don’t we leave my brother out of this Gordon, he’s not here.”

“No, but you know I was right now don’t you, you’ve realized the truth. Think about it.”

And Dean does think about it, he thinks of Sam dying in his arms, he thinks of Sam determined to save him, he thinks of Sam addicted to demon blood and choosing a demon over him, he thinks of Sam trusting him enough to take him to Zachariah even though he knew Dean was thinking of saying yes, he thinks of Sam jumping in the cage with Lucifer and Michael, he thinks of soulless Sam and all he put him through, and of Sam losing his mind, he thinks of Sam who did everything to help him, he thinks of Sam running around desperate to save him from Osiris.

“No, Gordon, you were w _rong._ ”

And he can see that Gordon wasn’t expecting that, that he was expecting Dean to accept he had been right so many years ago. But it’s the truth, Dean doesn’t regret it, he doesn’t regret saving Sam from Gordon, despite all that has happened since then and he doesn’t regret selling his soul to bring him back, despite all that happened to him in hell and all the consequences. In that same situation, knowing what he knew then, he’d do it again, no questions asked. He might not do it now, because he knows the consequences, but he doesn’t regret doing it back then.

Here’s a truth about Gordon: he has no control over his rage impulses.

The second Gordon realizes that Dean still believes he was wrong he lunges for him, determined to make him pay, but he never makes it to him. Benny is faster, Benny is stronger and before Gordon even realizes it has happened Benny has already thrown him across the small clearing they’ve stopped in. But Gordon, despite clearly being outmatched, he doesn’t stop, doesn’t slow down and his friends, though not many, are all attacking him. Dean wonders what he would say if he knew an angel was on his and Sam’s side, if an angel had protected him from many things.

He probably wouldn’t care.

He still feels sorry for him in the end, though he kills him nevertheless, and thinks perhaps that will bring him some peace.

He can see by the look on his face he has some story to tell Benny.

*~*

Here are some things Dean has learned about Benny in the last few weeks.

He can’t stand silence, he always needs to talk about _something_ and Dean is kind of grateful for that because if he did not talk so much his time in purgatory would have been _boring_. And he whistle during every fight, the first time it happened it had startled Dean so much he’d been taken by surprise by the vampire that attacked him, and he’d found it annoying but over time he’d become used to it. So much so that he can’t imagine fighting without hearing it, this might prove to be a problem later when they eventually go their separate ways, maybe he should start doing it to.

He kind of likes him.

Alright he does like him, he can see them being good friends in the future, hell he can see Sam and Benny being friends. It wouldn’t take much, Dean thinks, Sam had been the one so determined to protect Lenore a complete stranger after all, so surely he will trust somebody Dean trusts. Should it ever get that far of course.  

Benny talks with him and laughs at his jokes, though Benny’s jokes are admittedly much better, he never asks about things he realizes Dean doesn’t want to talk about and Dean does the same in return. When Dean rolls down a hill and hurts his ankle Benny supports him as they slowly make their way towards Cas. He can sense that Benny doesn’t think they will find him, that Cas is lost and more than probably dead, and really Dean is starting to lose faith too, but he can’t just give up.

Every night he walks away from the campfire and prays to his angel. Mostly he just talks to him about all that has happened to him that day.

Cas never shows up though he always looks around to see if he’s there.

He knows, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that Benny hears him every night – it did not take Dean long to realize his hearing was exceptional – but he never says anything about it.

*~*

It’s almost two months – though Dean does not know this at the time – before he sees Azazal.

He’d really expected him to show up before, to boast about what had happened or mess with his mind some more regarding Sam. But he does not, he never shows up, and Dean’s not sure if that’s because it takes him two months to find out Dean is actually there or that long to simply find him or perhaps he doesn’t really care. He never talks to him either, only sees him one day, standing at the other side of the clearing, just staring at him.

Azazal doesn’t move, doesn’t say anything, just stands there and stares at the hunter who killed him.

Dean’s first instinct is to attack him and use Ruby’s knife to kill him again but Benny, thankfully, is fast enough to stop him.

“Let me go Benny that is the demon that killed my mother.”

“I’m sorry brother but I can’t, it’s probably a trap. God only knows what he wants of you but don’t rise to the taunt.”

And he’s right, Dean knows, and the fight goes out of him, he got his revenge after all, he’d killed him and send him here and this is where he belongs. They stay there, in the clearing, the three of them for hours, just staring at each other. Eventually, once the world darkens around him Azazal leaves. He never comes back.

Dean never did find out what he wanted.

*~*

They find Lenore sitting under a tree, ironically just after Dean has finished telling Benny the tale of Gordon the crazy hunter who tried to kill his brother.

Dean recognizes her instantly; he doesn’t think he’ll ever be able to forget her. The vampire who refused to drink blood even after it was forced on her, the vampire who begged them to end her life once she’d fallen of the wagon – by lack of a better term. He’ll never forget her, the one who made him realize that the world isn’t as black and white as his father had made him believe.

She smiles when she sees him as if he’s an old friend, and perhaps in her eyes he somewhat is, one of the two brothers, hunters, who’d let them run and live once they realized they did not kill humans.

“Lenore.”

He knows he sounds relieved, and it really is a relief to meet an ally – somewhat – in a place like this. He can feel Benny shift beside him having recognized the name and he was now taking in the vampire who had stopped drinking blood and convinced her entire group to absent from drinking human blood as well. It must be interesting for him.

“Hello.”

“It’s sort of good to see you.”

“I’d imagine. I have been waiting for you for a long while; I heard you’d arrived in purgatory. I see you’ve made a friend.”

“Yes, sorry, this is Benny.”

“Benny. What makes you stand beside Dean.”

“There’s a way out of here with his help that’s why, Lenore.”

“I know.”

“Is that what you want,” Dean asks “to come with us, back to the world to try again.”

He’s not sure if it could work, taking both with him, but he is willing to try if that is what she wants. He and Sam had always believed she deserved a second chance and, if she had just waited until Eve was dead, everything would have been better.

“No, do not worry, I belong here. I know you’re looking for the angel who send me here.”

“You’ve seen him?”

“Yes, you are far behind him but I believe you are on the right track. Go to the left and follow straight ahead, that’s the way the angel went.”

“Thank you. Are you sure you don’t want to come with us?”

“Yes, I am fine here. I belong here and I have settled. I am at peace. Thank you for the offer. You should go while there’s still light.”

“Of course.”

Him and Benny turn then to the left just like she said when her voice stops them in their tracks.

“Benny.”

“Yes?”

“You will find that living in the world without drinking human blood, or just not attacking humans whichever you are going to do, will not be easy. You will need a lot of strength and it is more difficult alone. I wish you a lot of luck, I hope it goes better for you than it did for me.”

“I do too.”

“Goodbye Lenore.”

“Goodbye.”

They leave then, run away from a vampire that was not a bad person and Dean turns, once more, before he disappears from sight. She’s sitting under the tree again, looking at the sun – if that is what it is – and Dean thinks then, and this is how he remembers her now, that she does look at peace.

Perhaps this is the place she belongs.

 

 


	5. Midnight hour

Midnight hour has always been seen as the moment most demons come out to play.

The worst hour of the night.

The moment you should be truly _scared._

Dean’s never really believed in it though, in his experience, demons and other creatures come out to play at every hour of the night and day. Still as a child, when he was all alone with his brother and he felt less secure, he’d always felt more scared when midnight came and always better when the hour had passed. But he’d been a child back then and all alone with no real way of defending himself should a really strong demon decide to show up. Still once he grew up he stopped paying attention to it, mostly sleeping past it without taking notice, and in purgatory – where it’s difficult enough to tell when one day ends and another begins and how many days had passed since he came – it is practically impossible to tell when midnight comes.

But it does come and, for once, it does indeed bring out a demon to play.

And it is the worst hour of the night.

Because when Alistair shows up quite suddenly and tells him it’s midnight Dean doesn’t doubt it for a second.

Even if he himself can’t tell the time.

Alistair, his old torturer, comes suddenly, one second there’s nothing before him, and in the next there he is. Dean had expected him to show up, it seemed impossible that he would not – even though he _hoped_ it would – Alistair had liked him after all, a fact that still makes him shudder, and he had always wanted him back. Why should them being in purgatory change anything? Still despite that Dean had hoped Alistair would never come, hoped he would never discover Dean had entered this world, but he supposes that was just wishful thinking. The second he sees him, the second he shows and his brain tells him Alistair stands before him, he freezes, Alistair’s name tumbles of his lips an he tries to take a step back, several in fact, but his legs will not cooperate. He’d thought, stupidly as it turns out, that once the demon was dead and lost to the world, he’d never have to deal with him again.

The weapon he’s been using to decapitate vampire’s falls to the ground.

He grips Ruby’s knife tighter.

He tries to say something that will make him sound witty and strong and brave, but he can think of nothing.

Alistair however will not be silent and he talks, still in the same teasing tone he always used, still so sure of everything he believed in.

“Dean, Dean, Dean,” Alistair says “I really missed you my boy, my dear favorite student. You still had so much to learn and I can still teach you, there are enough souls to torture in this place as well. Come with me, Dean.”

 “No.”

His voice doesn’t shake, which surprises him, and the look on Alistair’s face reminds him of all those times he’d said no in hell, despite all the torture Alistair put him through. There it had never mattered, there his no just mean that another day of torture would come, but here Dean has more control, here no more torture will come.

Suddenly Benny is there, standing before him between him and Alistair with a determined look on his face.

He’d almost forgotten he was there.

This is the vampire that is protecting him, this is his friend – though he won’t say it out loud – and he wonders what Benny thinks of all of this.

Not that it matters.

*~*

For some reason they’re still walking at night and though Benny can’t quite remember why, he thinks it was because they couldn’t find a safe place to rest, but he’s not sure.

It sounds logical.

Still they’re walking at night, though there is still enough light to see – and Benny really doesn’t understand how purgatory works, nor has he ever truly thought about it at least not until Dean had once asked – when the demon, as he’s taken to calling him, suddenly shows up.

Now Benny is not entirely sure what the hell is going on, really he has absolutely _no idea._ One second he and Dean are talking and laughing a bit about something completely random, in the next that demon is there and Dean has literally frozen in, what Benny accepts though it takes him by surprise, fear.

Now that’s the truth of the situation: he has no idea what’s going on but if it’s scaring Dean so much that he’s actually frozen – even if it’s just for a moment – than it must be truly _terrible._ This is after all the human, the hunter, who has ripped purgatory apart - killing all those that opposed him, without ever slowing down, without any real fear or, it seems, any thought at all – just to find his angel. For him to actually freeze well that must mean that whoever this Alistair guy is he must be _horrible._

Dean will obviously not move, at least not for the moment.

Benny will not let him die.

He must help him which, at the moment is quite obviously what was needed, even if he doesn’t understand what’s going on.

Because Dean is his friend, even if he isn’t ready to say that out loud yet.

So he moves, quickly without thinking about it, to stand between Dean and Alistair – at least he _thinks_ that’s the name Dean said – and listens to the taunts of the demon, of which he understands _nothing._ There’s a terrifying look in Alistair’s eyes – it makes his blood run cold – and he can see why Dean is afraid of him, hell _Benny_ is afraid of him and he has no idea what the other one is capable of.

Alistair is strong, far stronger than him, and fast, it really only takes a second for Alistair to throw him aside like he’s nothing but a doll. He’s single minded too, determined, he _wants_ Dean and Dean, Dean _knows_ it. He cares not for Benny, barely even gives him a glance, and Benny thinks for a second ‘this is it, this is how it ends’ but at the last moment Dean finally moves and stabs him in the shoulder with his demon killing knife.

It does nothing except slow him down enough to give Dean time to run.

They’ll have to fight together and, Benny accepts, they might _die_ together.

*~*

After the fight has ended and Alistair lays dead at their feet – and Benny has absolutely _no_ idea how they won and survived, none at _all_ – Dean sinks down on his knees where he stands, still pale, still shaking, and he throws up. There is nothing Benny can do, for he does not understand what happened – and he thinks even if he did that there would still be nothing he can do. All he can really do is sit beside him - still keeping an eye on the world around him in case of another attack - and give him some comfort and just wait until he’s strong enough to move.  And so he waits in silence - because even Benny releases this is not the moment to start random conversations – as the night turns into day and back into night and then day again.

Finally, in the middle of the day, Dean gets up, still pale but steady on his feet and they walk away, slowly.

They don’t stop, don’t say anything, until they find a cave where they stop to rest and it’s there, in the dark cave that gives them shelter as well as protection that Benny finds out what happened. It takes hours before Dean starts to talk about it, before he contemplates sharing the tale, but once he does he seems _unable_ to tell him.

“I met Alistair in hell.”

The tone in Dean’s voice tells Benny that it wasn’t just an accidental visit to hell like the way he ended up in purgatory. He finds it hard to believe, however, that Dean would end up there, for he thinks he truly does not belong there.

“I sold my soul in exchange for my brother’s life and I was given a year to live and after the year was over the hellhounds came to rip me apart and I went to hell and there was Alistair, the master torturer.”

Now that, that actually sounds like the Dean he’s come to know.

And so Dean talks, about what happened down there and what came after, and Benny listens and says _nothing._ He never interrupts him, just lets him say all he wants, and never asks questions, never does anything but listen. There is nothing, after all, Benny can actually do, nothing at all.

Dean lies down and turns his back to him once he stops talking.

Benny still says nothing.

Dean doesn’t sleep much in that cave; he wakes screaming and shaking and says nothing, just lies back down and stares at the walls of the cave. They stay there, without moving, for at least a week, and Benny does his best to be there for him.

He never complains.

He never points out they should move.

He suspects that even if he did it would do nothing.

After a week Dean gets up, says ‘we need to get moving’ and they go of again.

Neither one mentions that week again.

 

 


	6. The wish

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lisa/Dean in this chapter though not much

The events of that particular day in purgatory – the God-only-know-how-many-days-he’s-already-spent-here-day and really he has no clue, none at all. He tends to go with six months, perhaps seven, because it _sounds_ right but really he has nothing.

The point is that the events of that particular day are all Sam’s fault.

Now Dean acknowledges, freely, that it really isn’t Sam’s fault, after all his little brother isn’t with him. Besides when Sam killed the demon that attacked him that morning – so many years ago – he had not known where the demon would end up. Nor could he have known, nor could he have predicted – nobody could have after all – that one day, in the far future, his older brother would end up in the same place and that the demon he had send there would still hold a grudge and decide to kill his brother to take revenge. Really Dean thinks it’s kind of stupid because it’s not like Sam would find out he had been killed or who had killed him but well the demon is determined. So in actuality it is not Sam’s fault, but Sam had been the one to kill the demon and he is the reason the demon attacked Dean so Dean is going to blame him, even if it doesn’t make sense.

Either way it matters little.

The demon itself – who is rather stupid and slow and not strong at all – doesn’t do much damage, but he has _friends._ Somehow one of them manages to stab Benny in the legs and Dean in the shoulder and somehow he and Benny end up at the top of a hill and then _they fall of it._ Well Benny doesn’t fall, he flies of it and gets lost somewhere Dean can no longer see him – and really, Dean thinks, that _must_ have hurt – and Dean himself well he sort of rolls of the hill. For the record he’s never acknowledging this happened, he’s never sharing _this_ story because well it’s _embarrassing._ Anyway the point is Dean rolls of the mountain and though he calls for Cas once – silently – the angel never shows up not that Dean really expected him to. In the end Dean makes it to the bottom of the hill where, somehow, he falls into a lair of a Djin.

In his defense he was disorientated from his trip down the hill.

And again it did not happen.

So in short the entire affair is Sam’s fault because it’s the demon that he send here that starts it all. Although, knowing his luck, if that hadn’t happened Dean would probably have met another demon and ended up down here anyway.

Not that it matters.

The last conscious thing Dean remembers is the Djin leaning over him.

~*~

_Dean wakes to the sound of – what he assumes at least – is his alarm clock going off._

_It’s seven in the morning._

_On a random day, in a random life he’s never had, in a world that isn’t real – but brought on by some kind of wish he isn’t even conscious he made – but it feels real. It feels like it’s his life, like he’s always lived here in this house, and yet, at the same time, he has no real idea of what he will find once he opens his eyes, only that it will make him happy. The bed he’s lying in is a comfortable one and he is not alone, in his arms – which he realizes once he opens his eyes – is Lisa and the house is his house, the one they’d lived in for the longest time. Apparently this is the world that is going to give the Djin enough happiness to feed of._

_He knows it’s not real, he remembers how it was the last time after all and besides he knows how it ended, but he doesn’t really care. There’s something out there in this world that makes this happy world not so happy at all, something that is quite terrible, but Dean isn’t going to go look for it because he knows this world isn’t real and somehow, he believes, Benny will find him and save him and then he’ll leave this world behind and whatever that bad thing is won’t matter at all.  
For the moment he might as well enjoy where he’s ended, for he’ll never be able to be with Lisa and ben again in the real world, and he wonders what exactly the wish was that gave him this world._

_Not that it matters._

_He decides, rather quickly too, that since he’s here he might as well live in this world, until Benny saves him – because he’s pretty sure Benny will and besides it’s not like he can get out of this world on his own. Nor does he truly want to, after so many months fighting the leviathans and losing person after person – starting with Lisa and Ben – and then all his months spend fighting in purgatory had left him tired. He needed to rest, needed to regroup, and even though he knew this world wasn’t real he would live in it for a while, no matter how long it would last, so he could be happy if only for a moment._

_So he kisses Lisa, without a second thought, and smiles as she says good morning._

_Breakfast is the same it was every Saturday he spend with them – he takes care to be mostly silent since he really has no idea of what is going on – Ben is telling them some random tale while eating the pancakes Dean has spent the last 30 minutes making while Lisa listens with interest. The conversations shifts though to what they are doing today and tomorrow and, apparently, Ben has a baseball practice later today which he’s supposed to drive him too and they’re going to the movies tonight, surely he hasn’t forgotten, and tomorrow they have that barbecue. Dean just stands there and smiles as he lets their words wash over him and drinks in all that they are, all that they were. He’s startled out of his thinking by Lisa’s questions, startled because he wasn’t expecting it._

_“Dean did you remember to invite Castiel?”_

_“Euhm…”_

_“Oh surely you did not forget again, I mean I know it doesn’t matter because he’ll come once you call for him and I know he doesn’t mind but it would be nice if for once we actually invited him.”_

_“You’re right, sorry.”_

_He’s not even completely sure if Lisa and Ben ever_ met _Cas in the real world, he hadn’t been around much in the year he spend with Lisa and, by the time he came around more him and Lisa had already grown apart. He knows Cas came by in that year, knows because his worst dreams – those of hell that still made him shake and scream and the ones were Sam fell into the hole with Adam – tended to change into happier dreams, mostly of him fishing at that lake he’s never actually been too and sometimes he’d been there, but mostly Dean had been alone. He’d known it was Cas, that his friend was still looking out for him even while – as he later discovered – he was working with Crowley and fighting a civil war in heaven. But he’s not sure if Lisa ever met him, ever saw him, and it’s something he’ll never learn._

_But in this world Cas is apparently a part of their life._

_He’s kind of glad._

_He watches in silence, with a smile on his face, as Ben plays baseball and sits through the most boring movie ever to make Lisa happy – even if in reality they are not actually Lisa and Ben just a figment of his, or the Djin’s, imagination. The next day, as the barbecue is about to start, he calls for Cas, who comes at the first  call and God is Dean happy to see him because it’s been far too long, but of course this Cas doesn’t know that, he hugs him anyway. Sammy comes too – and God he’s missed him too – and Dean is happy and grateful because his world would never be completely filled with happiness without his brother in some capacity. He comes with a girl Dean vaguely recognizes as that Sarah girl his brother had fallen for years ago – which means, to his regret, that Jessica still died in that fire and Dean’s sorry because he knows his little brother really loved her – but at least he looks happy with Sarah. Bobby is here with sheriff Mills and Garth arrives a bit later._

_This is a happy life, as happy as it could get._

_It’s not perfect but than none life ever is._

_He wishes he could stay._

_(He knows he cannot.)_

_That night, after everyone has gone home, he and Lisa cuddled up on the couch to see a movie while Ben plays a game._

_The world is fading._

_The spell is ending._

_The darkness is dense._

_*~*_

And then suddenly there’s Benny before him, shaking him lightly to wake him, treating him as if he was breakable.

He is reminded, suddenly, of a similar moment so long ago when his little brother found him in that warehouse. It’s not the same and yet it is and for a moment it almost feels like no time has passed, but of course it has. He wants to go back to that world; he wants to find Cas and go back home even if it doesn’t resemble the world the Djin created.

“It’s alright brother, I’ve got you. Let’s go.”

“The Djin…”

“Do not worry he’s dead. At least I think it was a he.”

And together, Dean leaning on Benny barely able to walk, they make it out of the lair and back to safety.


	7. The rescue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I intended Madison ( at least I think that was her name ) to be the wolf.

The first thing Benny realizes is that everything _hurts._

Which you know is to be expected since he has just practically flown of a hill after all. He’s pretty sure that he hasn’t broken anything though which is a relief, though he’s equally as sure that he’s bruised every part of his body. He can’t rest however, he knows, because Dean isn’t with him and he’s not sure where he is and that can’t be good. Perhaps he has taken care of the demons and is still at the top of the hill searching for Benny, if this is truth he’ll never hear the end of it. Most likely however he fell too lost his footing and rolled of the hill.

He’ll have to find him to make sure he’s alright.

Still it’s not that easy because even though nothing is broken it doesn’t necessarily mean he’s feeling good and he’s pretty sure that somewhere along the way he hit his head. He can feel the headache building and the world turns so much when he stands that he has to sit back down again. He can’t stay here forever, he knows, besides the fact that he has to find Dean before he’s badly hurt there’s also the small fact that there are vampires and demons everywhere that will surely take advantage of his situation. So he can’t stay here but for right now he decides that perhaps the best would be to rest a few moments before he gets up to find Dean.

After an hour, perhaps a bit longer, he gets up again and though the headache hasn’t faded at the very least the world isn’t turning anymore.

He makes his way, albeit slowly, to where he thinks Dean must have fallen.

This, as he learns might take a while.

*~*

When he thought, back when he started searching, that it would take a while he did not think it would take this long.

He’d expected to find Dean at the bottom of the hill, or in the neighborhood at least, but it seems he has just vanished. He hopes that it just means that he’s wondered off or ended up somewhere else, because if he’s been taken by a demon or something else it will be hard indeed to find him. In fact Benny thinks that might prove to be impossible since Dean has a lot of enemies in purgatory – pretty much everyone in it though some with personal vendettas against the hunter – and well he doesn’t know what took him, if something took him.

For a moment, a brief one, Benny considers calling for Castiel but he decides against it. It’s not like the angel, if he lives and is in hearing distance, will listen to a random vampire and if the angel doesn’t come when Dean calls, who is his friend, he surely won’t come for a complete stranger.

So no calling the angel, no matter how helpful it would actually be.

Benny admits that the whole search for his human companion would be so much easier if his head wasn’t pounding so much and if every inch of his body didn’t hurt. Or you know if he could just scream his name but he _can’t_ because he’s in purgatory and they didn’t actually kill those demons and who knows what’s around here that can kill him? If Dean is hurt, if Dean has been taken and needs his help than he can’t get killed or hurt himself or they’ll be doomed.

The world around him is darkening, night is falling.

Looking for his friend in the dark won’t be a problem but he is worried about how Dean will fear in the dark and the cold. Perhaps he got hurt, badly, when he too fell of the hill and he’s definitely been stabbed so who knows how that wound is fairing? He has to find him, sooner rather than later, before all is lost.

*~*

The wolf comes out of nowhere.

One second he’s just looking around, seeing if he’s perhaps crawled further away, the next he hears something and he turns to find a wolf – a werewolf – looking at him. For a moment he raises his weapon, determined to protect himself from what he’s sure will be an attack, but the wolf just stays down. It doesn’t move, it doesn’t howl, it doesn’t do anything but stare at him with strange eyes as if he – or she he truly can’t tell – is trying to tell him it’s alright. When it doesn’t attack after a few minutes Benny comes to the conclusion it doesn’t mean him harm.

But he’s not sure what it wants then.

He lowers his weapon, though he doesn’t discard it completely in case he is wrong, and he waits to see what the wolf will do when he doesn’t threaten him or her. The wolf moves his head as if he’s beckoning him and it occurs to Benny that if Dean had once spared the life of a vampire to such an extent that she was willing to help him than it is possible that he has friends that were werewolves. Perhaps this wolf knows what happened, perhaps he or she has seen, perhaps it’s trying to help.

“Do you know where Dean is? The human I mean, is that what you’re trying to tell me.”

The wolf doesn’t talk, of course it doesn’t, but it does nod it’s head clearly indicating that he has seen Dean and then walks to the left, looking behind him every few paces to make sure Benny is following him. Benny hesitates for a moment, worried it might be a trap, but in the end he decides to follow because he doesn’t think the wolf is attempting to trap him, surely if it wanted to kill him it would have attacked by now.

They walk, minute’s hours Benny couldn’t tell, but eventually the wolf stops at the entry to a cave.

The lair of what is quite obviously a Djin.

Benny thanks the wolf and it disappears just as quickly as it came.

He’s sad it doesn’t stay if only so that Dean can see it and tell him who this is, if he knows of course.

Dispatching of the Djin is easier than he thought it would be – considering his soreness and the pounding headache – but harder than it _should_ have been. Dean is barely alive, lost in the world the Djin has created – and he wonders briefly what that world is, what is he imagining, before he dismisses the thought because it’s really none of his business. The smell of blood is almost overwhelming but Benny ignores it, though it’s not easy, to get Dean out of here but first he must make sure the other man is at least _alive._

“Dean, brother, wake up.”

He almost laughs in happiness when Dean opens his eyes – he does not show that much emotion upon finding the human thank you very much or at least he will not acknowledge it.

“It’s alright brother I’ve got you, let’s go.”

He frees him from his restraints, and his whish world – though Benny admits that if it’s truly a happy world Dean might not want to leave, he probably wouldn’t want too depending on the world he ended up in – and hauls him on his feet, supporting him as best he can.

“The Djin…”

“Do not worry he is dead, at least I think it was a he.”

Slowly they make it out of the lair because even though the Djin is dead Benny refuses to stay here.

They’ll be fine now, Benny will make sure of that.

 


	8. The reunion

 

Eventually, after what seems like forever – and Dean has no idea how long it actually took nor does he really want to know – they find Cas.

He’s by a stream washing his face in the cool waters.

This is one of the strangest things Dean has learned about purgatory: he gets tired, though not as much as you would expect, and though he drinks water when they find it, he’s never actually thirsty, and he’s never, ever, hungry, and he’s not sure why. He understands why he was never in hell or in heaven – despite how little time he spend there – because then he was dead and he no longer needed nutrition. But now, despite being in an afterlife, he’s not actually dead so logically he should still be hungry and thirsty, but he isn’t. Perhaps it’s something about being in purgatory specifically that changes how his body works, he doesn’t know. He’ll have to remember to ask Cas later, once they’ve settled down, but he’s not sure if Cas will now either.

Cas is still wearing his hospital clothes – the ones that were white when they got here – and his old trench coat.

It’s logical really, he’s not sure why he was expecting the suit, and he himself is still wearing the same clothes as he was when they got here after all. He looked worn, tired from all the running – Dean suspects that he isn’t looking that much better – but he looked _strong._ He’s ready to fight, no longer a pacifist as he had been right before they got here while he was lost in his insanity – though in no way the strong warrior he had once been.

And, thankfully, he was no longer insane.

Or at least not as insane as he had been right before they got here, for which Dean is incredibly grateful.

He doesn’t need a pacifist, bee-loving angel by his side.

(That’s another thing about purgatory: there are no insects, which while it is kind of nice it is also plain weird.)

Or maybe Dean just can’t tell the difference between sane and insane Cas anymore.

Which is also a possibility.

When he first sees him, finally after so long, he can’t help but hug him and hold him close. And though Cas does not hug him back – not that he ever has, he’s not entirely sure Cas understands the concept of a hug, though now that he thinks about it Cas did in fact hug him once when they met again in that hospital – he does react, just a little and Dean takes it as an indication that he is glad to see him, even if he hoped Dean would leave without him.

He doesn’t understand how Cas could ever think he would do that.

He’ never leave a friend behind.

He’d never leave a member of his _family_ behind and Cas is as much a brother to him as Sam is, despite all his mistakes. Hell making mistakes is practically a Winchester trademark.  

So he’s not leaving him behind, no matter how logical his reasons are.

Which they are _not (logical that is.)_

Mostly because he’s refusing to lose him again, not after having just found him, not after spending a whole year mourning for the idiotic best friend who would not listen to him. Benny intersects then, accusing Cas of leaving him behind and Dean – who realized that Cas had left him behind the second he saw him alive and well – tries to stop him. Because he doesn’t need Cas to say it, he doesn’t need to know, he just needs for the three of them to go on their way and leave purgatory together.

He doesn’t need Cas to apologize or explain.

He’s already forgiven him.

Despite that he’s grateful for the defensive tone in Benny’s voice, indicating that he’s not trying to make trouble, he’s defending _Dean._ And seriously who could have ever guessed that one day Dean would be friends with both a vampire and an angel? He who did not believe in angel until he saw one and when he did he barely believed, he needed to be _convinced._

Still it stings when Cas actually says it, actually acknowledges that he’s left him behind.

“Cas, buddy I _need_ you.’

He means that and for so many reasons, reasons he’s never said out loud because it’s too much of a chick-flick moment, but he knows – or more precisely he hopes – that Cas knows this, that he _understands._ But he’s an angel, and he really doesn’t understand even the most basic of human emotions so perhaps he does not and Dean should explain, though not now here in purgatory.

“Let me bottom line it for you, I’m not leaving without you.”

And he means that too, he won’t leave without him and if he doesn’t go then Benny doesn’t go either and they’ll be doomed to run through purgatory together forever, unless Sam finally comes through and saves them though he’s not sure if Benny will come with them then.

He’s not leaving without Cas, he refuses, hell he’s gotten to the point where he refuses to leave _Benny_ behind.

He watches as Cas finally accepts he’s not leaving.

*~*

Here’s a truth: Benny is not sure whether taking the angel is a good idea.

Dean, as a human, causes enough trouble already, attracting attention as he does, and he can only imagine what an angel will do. Still he’s pretty much accepted it as a fact that the angel will come and that he won’t be able to stop it because well Dean hasn’t gone through it all just to leave his friend behind.

Still it won’t be easy to make it to the portal without being attacked constantly.

It proves to be impossible.

Despite his reservations and the fact that the angel quite clearly doesn’t trust him – not that Benny trusts _him –_ Benny finds that it’s quite amusing to travel around with the angel. Because Castiel, who has taken to constantly calling him ‘the vampire’ – to which responded by calling him feathers for a while which annoyed the angel to no end – is _hilarious_. He doesn’t intent to be, Benny knows, it’s just that the angel has no grasp on sarcasm or figures of speech and he takes everything bloody seriously and it makes him laugh. In all honesty Benny riles him up at times, saying the most ridiculous things and watches as the angel gets angry and responds to his remarks. And though Dean pretends to be annoyed at their constant bickering he is also quite amused at it.

And more importantly, despite their distrust, they work quite easily together.

Benny thinks that the reason for that is quite simple: they don’t trust each other but they both do trust _Dean._ And Dean, in turn, trusts the both of them and so it’s quite easy to work together, which is a good thing because otherwise their trip would have been quite hard. Benny however knows that he’s the weak link, that he’s the wild card, because Cas and Dean have been friends for a long time and he need only to put one toe out of line and he’ll probably be killed, or maybe he will not, maybe they’ve become such close friends that it won’t matter. Or maybe they will become such close friends one day in the future.

Still they make quite remarkable time towards their goal.

Since you know they no longer needed to stop and get answers from uncooperative demons and vampires.

They do still stop to rest, since Dean is a just a human, and with the both of them there – or perhaps just because he’s finally found his angel – Dean sleeps quite soundly. Lying next to Cas with his trench coat over him to fight the cold he sleeps for hours until he is woken by an attack or simply by Benny who decides it’s time to move on. At first, on those nights, they both stayed in silence the angel and the vampire and Benny would think of all the stories that Dean had told him.

Eventually though Benny talks because you know he can’t stand silence.

And, once they get past their anonymity, Benny finds the angel is quite likable, and they do get along somewhat, they’ll never be great friends but they don’t need to be. But at least Benny thinks, with time, they might become friends and good allies.

Assuming they’ll make it out of this place alive.

Benny wonders what Dean would call them, the trio trying to make it out of purgatory, if he would have some clever nickname for their team. Benny isn’t good at nicknames so he can’t think of one. He will state however that whenever he starts a sentence – in his head – mostly with the angel, the human and the vampire it sounds like the beginning of an incredibly bad joke.

And maybe that’s what this really is a really bad joke.

 

 

 

 


	9. The storm

Purgatory itself _never_ changes.

This is something that Dean finds out quite quickly, though it’s a strange phenomenon to him and it takes a while for him to accept it. Trees don’t die, rivers don’t dry up – though he has absolutely no idea where the river even begins and where the water comes from – and things usually don’t die, unless they’re killed in a fight. But everything in purgatory - besides the things that inhabit it – is a constant, never changing, never leaving, always the same, always there. Dean’s not sure why this is, in hell nothing was ever constant, in hell things changed constantly – so fast that Dean couldn’t tell when they changed – and heaven was well heaven. But for some reason purgatory never changed and though Dean doesn’t understand why but he’s gotten quite used to it and he doesn’t think he would want it to be any different.

It also feels _pure._

Dean can’t really explain it, not in a way that someone who hasn’t been here will ever understand – and later he doesn’t even attempt to explain it Sam. He can’t even explain it to Cas, even though the angel knows him better than anyone else – having held his soul as he flew out of heaven – and he doesn’t really try to talk about it with him either. He tells Benny once what he feels and Benny tells him he understands even if he too is unable to really explain it.

But it never changes, it’s always the same.

Which is why, Dean acknowledges, it’s so hard to tell if they’re lost and whether or not they’ve already passed that particular tree.

Everything looks the same after all.

Still about three months after they find Cas – at least according to Cas though Dean has no idea how he is able to tell time – they get lost completely.

Benny keeps saying that he knows where it is and Dean doesn’t doubt him but that doesn’t change the fact that he’s pretty sure that they’ve been running in circles and that they are in fact lost. They should probably return to a point that Benny actually knows so that they can make their way towards the portal that supposedly exist – and Dean is still not entirely sure he actually believes in it – but Benny says that will take too much time.

Yes, Dean answers, but if they keep going around in circles they’ll lose their minds.

So they go back to the beginning, quite literally.

Dean is starting to wonder though how long this will take, how long he’s actually been gone and whether Sam is alright. He doesn’t know how long he’s been gone after all; he’d been in hell for forty years but only gone for four months, so who knows how long he’s actually been gone. Still it seems strange to him that Sam hasn’t saved him, though perhaps, he muses, it is not. It took both Crowley and Cas the better part of two years after all just to find one entry.

Perhaps there is no way out.

Perhaps they’re doomed to stay here forever.

Dean wonders what will happen to him if he dies here, does he go to heaven – if he belongs there – or does he just disappear?

He doesn’t ask Cas, he doesn’t want to worry him.

*~*

Alright so he got them lost, it’s not like it’s the end of the world.

It didn’t even take him that long to find his way again, Benny muses, and really it’s not his fault, he knew the way and how to get there from where he’d met Dean so many months ago. It’s not his fault they got of course; Dean was the one who insisted they should find the angel, changing their course completely landing them somewhere completely random. It’s _his_ fault.

Three days after they find their way again – and really they weren’t that lost Benny would have found his way without turning back as well but Dean was getting impatient, which Benny understands – it begins to rain.

Which is something that has never happened before.

_Never._

John would have mentioned had something like this happened before and all the creatures they meet – all running to hide from the storm – tell them the same thing: this has never happened before. Benny thinks it has all to do with Dean and Castiel, a human and an angel were not meant to be in purgatory after all and they were changing the very core of purgatory itself. The longer they were her the more they changed and now apparently rain was a part of the world, though Benny suspects that all the things that had changed would go back to normal once Dean at least gets out – he’s still not sure whether Castiel is a part of it, he’s not sure at all.

At first they decide to run through the rain, thinking it would be easier to make time when all the demons and vampires were hiding.

As it turns out it’s the worst plan they’ve had yet.

Because the rain doesn’t slow down, instead Benny is pretty sure it gets worse and he can still see and hear – vampire senses – and he’s pretty sure that the angel can at least still see, he’s not so sure about the hearing part, but Dean definitely can’t.

After he falls for what must be the twentieth time they decide it will be best to hide from the storm.

Assuming it will ever stop.

And that they will actually find a hiding place in this mess. Eventually Benny decides to venture out on his own to find something and he ends up finding a small cave where the three of them huddle close together. Now Benny isn’t exactly cold – well he is but he’s a vampire, he’s _always_ cold – and he’s not sure whether the angel actually feels the differences in temperature but Dean is freezing.

There’s no way to warm him either because they’re all soaked trough and there’s no wood to make a fire.

But at least they're dry.

Though with their luck lately Dean will end up getting pneumonia.

They pass the time by telling stories or, more importantly Cas is the one to tell stories – he has lived for a very long time and he knows some fascinating things that aren’t in the history books. Benny’s not sure how long they have to hide but considering the fact that Castiel makes it through the history of Rome and Greece and a part of Egypt and England as well as America and Benny also shares some stories of his time period it is definitely for  a very long time.

But eventually the rain does stop.

Benny hopes they’re out of here soon before purgatory changes some more.

 


	10. The escape

Cas, the angel that destroyed heaven and betrayed his friend, is not leaving purgatory.

He realized, decided actually, that this was to be his punishment for all he had done and he had to stay. He’d hoped, when he left Dean in the beginning, that Dean would leave purgatory on his own. He should have known, should have realized, that a man like Dean – with such a bright soul – would be unable to even contemplate leaving someone behind in a place like this. He should have realized he would look for him and practically force Castiel to go with him. The vampire was a surprise though, he really hadn’t expected that, but then Dean isn’t an idiot and he would have realized quite quickly that he needed an ally to survive and Benny had become that person. And if Dean was willing to trust him than Castiel would work with him, though that did not mean he had to like him.

Benny says he knows a way out.

Castiel believes him, and he’s grateful for the knowledge, because there’s no reason for Benny to lie, seeing as he wants to escape with Dean. Besides Castiel had lived for a very long time and though he had never known where purgatory was he had known about it and above all he had known that a human soul – alive or dead – did not belong there. And his father, Castiel knows, loved humanity, loved them because they were his children, and he would have made sure that if one ended up here they could get out so to him it’s not that far-fetched that God would create a portal as an escape route.

He’s not so sure angels can escape.

Even if they can he’s not going, he doesn’t deserve it.

He’s sorry he’ll have to say goodbye to Dean, one of the only friends he’s actually had, and he’s sorry he’ll probably never see him again. If there was a way he could convince Dean that this was for the best than he could say goodbye probably, and tell Dean all the things that are important, but he knows he can’t. If Dean were to learn, if he were to believe Castiel wanted to stay he would force him through the portal and, if that did not work, he might choose to stay behind unless Castiel went with him and he could not risk that. He had to stay and Dean had to go, it was as simple as that. And so, as he knew this all to be truth, Castiel could not say goodbye to the most important person in his life and had instead to content himself with saying goodbye in a roundabout way.

At least he would not be leaving Dean alone.

He had Sam and, for some strange reason, he had Benny as well.

Perhaps someday, some far away day, Castiel would be redeemed and God, his father, would allow him to leave this place. Perhaps then he could make his way to Dean’s heaven – for surely he would be in heaven since that is where a soul as him belonged – and they would meet again, though Castiel can’t tell how long that will be.

But for now he’ll just make sure his friend escapes.

Even if he can’t.

*~*

They’re going _home_.

Wherever home actually is.

The end of their very long journey through purgatory is coming to an end – and there’s a part of Dean that’s kind of sorry because as he said it feels pure here and for some reason he likes it a bit – and soon they’ll be back on earth. He can go off to find Sam, wherever he is, and Benny can go off to – or stay with him is that is what he wants, Dean won’t object to it – and Cas, well he’s not sure what Cas is going to do.  Perhaps go back to heaven, if his brothers and sisters will accept him back, or perhaps stick around again, Dean’s not sure.

But at least they’re _all_ getting out.

And they’re all three going through that portal if it’s the last thing he does or if it kills all of them, even if Benny didn’t really like that idea. But he’s not leaving anyone behind – neither angel nor vampire – he’s had enough of losing people and of feeling like he’s failed everyone he’s ever loved.

For once he’s saving e _verybody._

Even if they don’t want to be saved.

For a second when they make it to the place it seems like he’s been right all along and Benny was just lied to about the way out but then it’s there. And Dean can feel it, calling to him, drawing him near, and trying to tell him – the human trapped in purgatory – this way, this is the way out. It’s pulling him into that direction and even if Dean wanted too he could not go another way, could do nothing but go that way – even if somehow he were to lose sight of where the portal was it would guide him, which is rather strange, it’s like he can’t control his feet anymore.

Maybe this is the way Kevin felt when the tablet pulled him towards it.

It’s creepy to say the least.

He and Benny go through the ritual to make sure he makes it to the other side. Cast just looks on and Dean can’t tell whether he agrees that Benny has earned the right to come or he’s just going along with it because that’s what Dean believes.

For a moment he believes it might be simple.

For a second there’s nothing in sight that can stop them.

Then the Leviathans are there.

It’s not like he’s ever been that lucky.

They run up the mountain, Dean can almost taste freedom; Cas is behind, falling far behind.

He makes it out, Cas calls his name and says something else but Dean forgets what it is, but he doesn’t make it.

The portal closes.

He’s lost Cas.

Again.

*~*

Cas asked Benny one night, while Dean slept beside him, how he and Dean had even become friends.

Benny told him there was something about Dean that was just _likable._ Cas had agreed, back when he’d first met Dean he found him aggravating and they’d bumped heads more than once and yet still he had liked the human, liked him and eventually they’d become friends.

Cas is glad Dean has a friend that’s escaping purgatory with him, it will be better for him.

He’s alone though, there’s no one left to be with him.

This is his punishment.

At least Dean made it out, that’s the most important thing

*~*

The angel is not there when he wakes – by lack of a better word – but he had not truly expected him to be.

He says nothing about it truly, he doesn’t ask either.

Perhaps the portal did not allow him through, as only humans could pass, or perhaps he stayed behind to save them. Benny doesn’t need to know.

The look in Dean’s eyes is enough to make sure he never asks.

“What now Brother?”

“Go home, back to Sam I guess. But first I need to find a hotel because I need a shower and pie. Not necessarily in that order. You coming?”

“To the motel or to find your brother?”

“Both, either, whatever you want.”

“I think I’ll come, brother, for now at least. If you’ll have me.”

“Alright.”

Dean clasps his shoulder and smiles, despite his obvious pain at losing the angel, and together they walk away from his bones.

Towards a new life and a new kind of partnership.

And pie of course.


End file.
